21st September 2022, Wednesday

September 20, 2022

21st September 2022, Wednesday

Hi blogspot. Here I am, back again, but this time I remembered my password ha! I was worried that blogspot might have disappeared due to the advancement of newer and more aesthetic websites out there. But fortunately, it is still here. I can say blogspot is like my diary since 2009 and it's nice to know that my thoughts and memories are still here.

So, a lot of things have changed since I last posted in 2020. I graduated, got a job in a pathology lab working on 24/7 roster, and it persisted for about 3 years before I decided that it is time to move on. It is sad to leave people who I've grown so close with, and honestly, it is lonely being out here in Sydney without friends. I met Su in Hobart, which we bonded and became really good friends. We'd do our nails together on weekends, go out and eat or just hang out at the beach with her dog Heidi. I miss her really. I wished we had been closer for a longer time than during the recent months before I decided to leave Tasmania for the better of my career.

I guess I always knew what I wanted. I wanted progress, I wanted to do new things that make me feel like I accomplished in life, and staying in the same job did not satisfy me for that reason. I believe all jobs are just repetitive, once you learn that that is needed to work efficiently, it's just doing it all over again, doesn't matter which field you're in (as long as you're working for a company).

Then somewhere in Summer 2021, I met Kevin. The Kevin that I met when we were teenagers 10 years ago. We met on Omegle and we used to skype everyday before I went to school and when I was in school. Yea... I was a bad student. High school didn't allow us to bring phones but I did, because I loved talking to Kevin and with the time difference in the U.S, I only had mornings to talk to him. We had a strong connection, but eventually knew that we had no monetary means of whatsoever to meet each other at such a young age and also such a long distance. I added him on Snapchat in 2016 and then our conversation just stopped one day.

Then came Summer 2021 where I redownloaded Snapchat because Claire (one of my collectors in hobart path) wanted to add me as a friend, and that's when I saw Kevin on top of my friend list. Seeing his name really brought back the memories about how much I liked him and how I had a crush on him back in high school even though we've never seen each other's faces. SO... I texted him to ask him if he remembered me. AND he replied :)

From that day onwards, it really felt like we've travelled back in time to the good old days when we were teenagers talking through Skype. It was a nice feeling that we still had the connection we had 10 years ago, and to me, it felt like something called fate. And then fast forward, he asked me to be his girlfriend. At first, I was hesitant, I didn't actually believe that he would have a strong enough feeling to be having a long distance relationship with me, plus he IS STILL in the US. I rejected the first time round, but we went by the days talking to each other day and night. Until Jan 2022, he asked me to be his girlfriend again, and this time, I was more confident about us being in a LDR and said yes :)

Faster forward months after, Kevin flew to Sydney to visit me and we finally overcame the fear of the difference between chatting to a person online vs real life. We were both exactly how we were and got along in real life. I am really happy that I met Kevin again and I am looking forward to the time we will reunite in the future.

I never really was fond of the idea of marriage, but as I grow older, I realise the importance of it in one's life. And how lucky it would be to have a person become your other half as you both learn how to walk the journey of life together for another 50 years or so. I never felt the need to be married to have lived my life to the fullest, but I do believe in finding someone that will make you happy for the rest of your life. Even if we can't predict the future, we may not be together forever, things might change, one may fall out of love with the other, a lot of things could cause a break down of a relationship, but that should not stop one from loving a person dear to them. Without risking your heart, how can one feel both pain and happiness of life right? It is only when we experience pain, that we learn how to cherish and appreciate the happiness that comes after. Life is not a linear graph, it has it's up and downs, and making mistakes make us human. Sometimes it is never our intention to hurt others, but just a misjudgement or misleading emotions that brings us to make the wrong decision in life.

I am scared and I am fearful that I might lose the person I love someday, be it partner, parent, or sibling. But I will still do my best to be happy and to make people around me happy, and prepare myself to let go of the possible hurt and sadness that I may face if things every change in the future.