25 March 2018, Sunday

These recent months have been the worse and most difficult months of my life. I had a boil that grew so big on my ass that I had to go to the hospital to get it lanced. Then I had my wisdom tooth grow out after recovering from that minor surgery I had. oh but trust me, having the wisdom tooth was 3 times worse than having my butt cut with a surgery knife. It was so painful and it lasted for weeks!! My tooth got infected because whilst growing out it was covered by my gums, even if I were to literally do nothing and sit there, my jaw hurts so much I wanted to cry. At the same time, we got kicked out of our house that we supposedly should be staying for another year. My world was falling apart. I had to go through the trauma I Have with my health and go around worrying and trying to find for a house. I didn't think it would have affected me this much until now. It hit me off my feet like a baseball bat. Right now, coming back here, its like all these suffering is haunting me. I feel really bad, my mood is affected and I don't have the motivation I used to have before. I knew it, but I couldn't do anything about it. This is the most frustrating part of it. I think now I truly understand why people in depression cant get themselves out of the state of mind they are in even if they want to. Its easy to tell people who are suffering to get things over with, look and the bright side and move on. I find that what I truly needed was people to stay with me, by my side, even when I break down and cry, they will be there and tell me it'll pass rather than to get over it. I think that's what people with serious depression really need. I cant imagine going through what I went through without my bf. He's been so supportive and I learned to depend on him in a good way. I believe we all need that one person in our life that gives us that reassurance and care because we could be fine today or tomorrow but when life treats you the other way round, it doesn't matter how fine or how carefree you were before, you're gonna feel it. Just two weeks ago I had a burst of eczema on my skin around my neck and just a day ago I had a big infected stye on my eye. Things are just not going my way really. But I pray and believe, that after all these, I'll become stronger and I'll find that tiny little happiness inside my once again. I pray Jesus heal me completely and eliminate all the bad things in my body as I believe in the power of healing of God and God as a loving Father that care for each and everyone of us.